Damn You “Unknown Search Terms”!

So, my blog is almost 6 months old (it feels like I’ve been blogging for years!) and I’ve discovered that I can finally start looking at my blog-stats in a more meaningful way. If I could dedicate more time to this hobby (which actually feels more like a part-time job) then I could definitely try to improve my SEO, I could go through my content with a fine tooth comb and I could probably do a better job of analysing my stats. However, at the minute I’m just too busy…

Aint-Nobody-Got-Time-for-That

One thing I have discovered is that people are finding me more and more frequently through search engines, which is great. I love seeing what people have been searching for when they stumbled upon me. But one thing that has really been getting on my nerves lately is the “unknown search terms” – and they’re growing every month.

I get online security and privacy, I really do. But sometimes I just wish I could see all of these terms!

Unknown Search Terms Image662 unknown search terms. Are you kidding me? I wanna know what these are!! Am I the only person this annoys, is there anyone out there that understands my plight?!

While putting this post together and going through my search times, I ended up giggling a little, so I thought I’d share some of the more funny ones!

“beautiful oblivion by katie mcgarry twist ending explanation”

Really? I won’t be overly pedantic about the wrong author, but really? I wish I could write a post that explains Beautiful Oblivion, I at least attempted it in my review. I should also note I have many search terms similar to this!

“drown the gown stupid trend”

Is this a real thing? Should I search this and find out? Or is this related to girls in dresses on book covers? Drown the Gown – now there’s a post title I could work with. Except I don’t mind dresses on covers, as I’ve previously mentioned here.

“i don’t lend books”

I hear ya. In fact, I’m doing a post on my Bookish-OCD soon including why I find it particularly difficult to lend books to people. Not sure why this statement would be used as a search term though…

“hate a book dislike all characters goodreads”

Alrighty then. That sounds a little angst-ridden. Would you like to talk about it? And why would you search for a book that matches that description? Surely that book should be avoided. Disliking characters and hating a book are two very separate things though – another post I intend to do shortly.

“blog shelf-stacker home husband”

I’m not sure… I don’t… Hmm…

“read jamie mcguire beautiful oblivion online free”

Nope. No. Nada. Get yourself off my blog.

“how many months to know sex of baby”

Well, I doubt this blog gave you the answer. I’d love to know where you ended up. It’s around five months though, right?

“i hate dolores umbridge”

May all Harry Potter fans unite and say an “amen” to this one! I’m assuming this person landed here. Again though, why would you type that statement into a search engine?! Am I the only person who searches logically?

“sheldon why so serious”

sheldon why so serious

Do you get frustrated at “unknown search terms”? What are some of your favourite terms people have searched for when they ended up on your blog? Get sharing with me in the comments below!

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About Rachel

Avid reader & book blogger. Lover of Business. A fan of drinks & dancing. Ever optimistic. Feminist.

51 Responses

  1. This post is wonderful, Rachel. You got me laughing with your responses! I’ve had some interesting terms, too… And I totally understand the feelings when it comes to the unknown search terms. It’s gotten to the point for me that all I get are referrals from unknown terms! Come on, I’m curious! I must know! Haha 😉

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  2. thebookheap

    HAHA that last one!!

    Sometimes really weird terms get searched for on my blog, it’s bizzarre. So is this things people have typed into google and your blog has come up or…? I’ve always been a little hazy on that

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  3. I love the search terms function – some of them are so funny. I’m doing a post on my blog similar to yours on Friday 🙂

    This one is brilliant: “blog shelf-stacker home husband” – What? LOL

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  4. Apparently people have twice found my blog by searching “The Tenant of Wildfell Hall gay subtext”… guys, don’t ask me, I haven’t read it yet! And someone else found me by searching “Midnight Crossroad sex scenes”. There are none, sorry!

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      1. Yeah, mentioned Tenant twice (classics club and on a review of Agnes Grey) but nothing more than the name really and did a review of Midnight Crossroad 🙂 I wonder if the person was hoping they’d find blow by blow descriptions of the sex scenes?!

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  5. Hahaha this is great! I’ve gotten some pretty funny and random ones too, though I seem to get unknown a lot more. 650 is a bit ridiculous though…haha I especially love the baby gender one. How in the world did that come up? It’s 15 weeks btw 😉

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  6. HAHA! Hilarious post. I am beyond pleased that I am not the only person who has been writing up about their bookish OCD. Mine is ridiculous. My post has been written up for weeks but I keep editing it. I sound like a completely INSANE person. And I wish I was kidding. But I come across as if I am actually crazy. Might avoid posting that one forever 😉

    I have Blogger and I don’t think they let you see them as well as that. Although, almost all of mine are people who are looking for non-disney animated movies. I think it’s because I did a post on my top 20 fan non-disney animated films. That Part 1 post has almost 10,000 views because of it.

    Wish I could look at more of mine, I am sure there are some hilarious ones in there.

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  7. k

    OMG! Some people search for the most random things. I had to look back over my own site stats. But the best one i have so far is
    ‘erotic romance stories about what a man does to a woman when he licks his lips’

    Strange, strange people

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  8. Ugh, unknown search terms annoy me. It’s all because of Google though. Google recently stopped providing keyword searches. They encrypt everyone’s connection, which means they can no longer send keyword search data to stats programs. You can read more about it here: http://blog.hubspot.com/marketing/google-encrypting-all-searches-nj

    So any keywords you do see are probably coming from search engines other than Google.

    It sucks because I loved looking at that data. 😦

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      1. Sadly there are no plans to change it. Ultimately Google is trying to promote safer web browsing and searching, which means using SSL everywhere. But when you use SSL, your browsing data is encrypted and just can’t be sent to third parties (like stats programs). I understand their reasons, and ultimately it is a good reason (trying to enforce safety and privacy), but it is frustrating!!

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  9. Most of mine make sense even if they are a little weird, but this one:
    “this is what’s left of my childhood” ????
    What is that?

    It is certainly possible to find out baby gender earlier, but the most common way to find out is at the 20 week ultrasound, so you’re correct in saying about 5 months. 🙂

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      1. Oh good grief! I found out the gender of both my children at about 20 weeks. My oldest is a boy and we did paint the nursery sky blue but all the big purchases – furniture, decor, stroller, etc. – I kept gender neutral because I wanted to be able to use it again with my second child. Good thing too, since my younger child is a girl!

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  10. I used to love putting posts together where I get the funniest search terms from my blog! But since they changed the privacy policies, I hardly get any search terms to show up :/ The worst are the read X book online free ones – GET OFF MY BLOG FOOL!

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  11. Jenna @ Rather Be Reading YA

    Up until recently all my search engine hits were unknown search terms. Now everybody’s searching for If I Stay spoilers and my review has spoilers (with a warning) so along with the unknown ones, I also get those.

    Sometimes I do searches similar to “hate a book dislike all characters goodreads” if I’m looking for other people who didn’t like a popular book. But usually I’ll just go to Goodreads and set the filter to one star reviews.

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  12. […] This month’s features included: An introduction to a brand-new feature called (S)He Said and the first (S)He Said Discussion (Let’s Get It On), I shared more Bloggy Love #2, interviewed author Peter Monn (includes a giveaway!), discussed Book Buying Bans and Me, and ranted in Damn You “Unknown Search Terms!”. […]

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